Pondering...

...I've been stuck lately, wondering what in the world am I supposed to be accomplishing in this life of mine. Yes, I know...I have 5 kids. That's what I'm supposed to be accomplishing. And I will, I sincerely will. But I very often feel like I'd like to do more...more for myself. It's a constant battle.

So, I'm going back to school. I have a plan for future education. Storing up knowledge. I feel that it's very important, after all...it's one of the very few things we can take with us into the next life, so to me, it's very important. I can't put it off any longer. That's step one.

My plan for now is to get my degree in history, and maybe minor in a foreign language or in religion. Then, off to my masters in library science. My goal is to be a librarian, or an archivist or museum curator. I love it! I'm excited about it. It brings me joy to think about it. Now, I just need to do it.

Step two...constantly prioritize. But in that process, always remember, it's not what we do, but who we are that is important to Heavenly Father. When I die, will it be important how clean my house was, or if I knew how to bake a great loaf of bread? I don't think it will be. I think it will be more about the way the Savior lived. Did I serve others? Did I share the love I have with others? Did I share my knowledge of the gospel, and of all good things I've learned with others?

If you are a mother like me, and you ever feel guilty about doing anything that would bless you (and I mean blessing YOU specifically, not your kids or your husband), I suggest you read a book I've just started. I don't ususally recommend a book until I'm finished with it, but I think this one will be ok. It's called "Drop the Guild, Catch the Joy" , I think. :) Anyway, I think mothers get caught up in guilt a little too much. Men, and women, are that they might have JOY! Feel it! Search for it...and you know what? It's not selfish. True joy comes from loving what you do. Find what you love, and do it! It's OK!

Anyway, just a little tangent I've been on. Share the love...be happy. Thanks for letting me share my musings.